Boy meets Girl. Boy likes Girl. Boy is too afraid to tell Girl he likes her. By the time he confesses to her, she likes someone else. Little did he know that Girl liked him too.
Probably one of the worst feelings in the world. You think back on it, “Man, if only I took the risk. If only I had more confidence.” This sort of thing has happened to me a couple of times in the past. Hopefully this doesn’t happen again.
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Maybe its time for something new. Time to get rid of something old, and let the new take its place.
I figured I would start trying to do something a little more productive than saving the world from the clutches of Diablo and pick up my old guitar and teach myself how to play. I used to play piano and still try to every now and then so music is no stranger to me. I used to fiddle with the guitar and just try to play songs by ear and I was ok at it. Now I’m trying to do that again. So far its going well, saying I started yesterday. Dreaming With a Broken Heart - John Mayer. Thought it would be simple enough. Figured out the piano melody easily, but the chords are the hard part. I need to learn what makes what notes and what notes combined make what chords. After a little while I figured I needed to really look into that. I then tried to go ahead and sing along with playing. That’s hard for two reasons: (1) cant focus on playing an unfamiliar instrument and unfamiliar music then reading lyrics to accompany that music and (2) I cant sing…well… But who knows, its only day 2 and I think I’m doing a decent job. Hopefully by August I can confidently say I know how to play guitar, and maybe sing too.
I can’t get you off my mind, even when I’m drunk. I’m pretty sure that means you’re kinda a big deal.
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They say you desire things that you do not have. Once you have that, you will be happy. You will then be content with what you have. A desire for something new will arise, as that new thing will make you happy. And so the cycle continues.
But if I have you, I’ll be happy being content.
Only one class left till I graduate…. I think. Regardless, I’m close to being done with college. Its a nice feeling to know that I’m so close to being done with school. At the same times it’s terrifying. Some people have a definite plan for when they finish. Either that or things are already set for them by the time they finish. Sometimes I wish I was one of those people. It must be a nice feeling to have that sense of security. To know that there is a definite something there waiting for you when you finish.
Its not like I don’t know what I want to do. My plan is there, but its not as concrete as it could be. Sometimes I feel like I should be doing something with my degree. I’ve definitely learned a lot from my college classes and I probably would’ve never found my passion for all things video, so its not like I was there just wasting my time. Its just this doubt, this fear that if things don’t go well I don’t really have a clue as to what I’m going to do.
I believe that as long as I’m able to keep moving forward towards my goal, I’ll reach it. My plans for the future are there, the only thing is taking that first step. It feels like I’m just chasing a dream. The more I think about it, the more it feels like there’s no way this could really happen. Things have somewhat presented themselves conveniently to help me keep moving forward towards the same goal, so it really does seem like its possible. High risk, high reward is what I keep telling myself… Just gotta invest all I have into Almost Awesome. If it doesn’t work, I’ll just have to try harder and make it work.
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The feeling of defeat. There are times when it isn’t so bad, other times where its the worst feeling in the world. Sometimes when you are faced with defeat, you gain the determination to try again or keep going. Other times, its more like total defeat. Even worse than this, is when you get that feeling of defeat before you even get a chance to do anything.
That recently happened to me. I had gone through all this planning and over thinking in my head. I pulled myself together to just hope for the best and prepare for the worst. To my surprise, this was the one thing I didn’t prepare for.
Now all that’s left is to pick myself up from this defeat and get ready for whatever comes next.
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Have you ever had that feeling that the universe was trying to talk to you? Almost like the small things around you conveniently had significance to whatever situation you were in. I’m in a slight dilemma and still trying to see whether or not I should risk it for the biscuit or just give up and let it go. Technically there’s a third option of just going with the flow. Lately I’ve been seeing things and hearing things and it almost feels like the universe is trying to tell me to take one direction. Problem is that my common sense is telling me otherwise. I guess I still have some time before I make my decision. Hopefully by then my mind will be set on one direction.
It’s always been a habit of mine. Haven’t really determined if its a good habit or a bad habit. Even as a kid I would over think things so much. I would plot out these elaborate plans from one origin point. I would plot out a bunch of consequences, even if they were ended up being super ridiculous. I guess its because I always figured I would hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Funny thing is though, none of my plans would ever fall into place. EVER. Something I didn’t take into account for would screw everything up so all that over thinking ended up just being a waste of time. Either that or the situation would be a lot simpler than I had ever thought of. Usually I would be positive about my over thinking, but once I started getting a tiny bit negative the thoughts would just blow out of proportion.
Even now I still do the same thing. I would’ve thought that my crazy schemes would become a little more realistic, but they’re just about as the same as they were back when I was a kid still. I’m still over thinking about the same old things.
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What if I had a crush on you
What if we liked the same things
What if I asked you out
What if we really hit it off
What if you fell for me
What if we were meant to be
What if I stopped asking what if
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So if you guys didn’t know, Sayaw 2012 was this weekend. It was freaking ridiculous. I ended up doing a lot this year of Sayaw: danced in three dances (Maglalatik, Aray, and Tinikling), put together some videos for the show, sang the Philippine National Anthem, and MCed. All I have to say is I never want to do that shit again it was an awesome experience.
Dancing wasn’t too bad, kinda used to it by now. Doing Maglalatik and Tinikling is very simple to jump into for me because I’ve done it for so freaking long now. Every year of doing Maglalatik, the guys would all say that we were gonna work out to really tone our bodies so we look good. Most of the time, that never happened. We took it a little more seriously this year. I ended up working out a good amount. Hopefully it showed. Aray was new to me, but the dance itself wasn’t too difficult to learn. Practices were a pain in the ass great. Definitely had some great times goofing off with friends and making new ones.
Filming was ridiculous. I’m somewhat used to filming on a tight schedule, but most of it has been just for fun. It’s never been something for anything serious like a show. Filming cut it close, but they came out like shit pretty well. People enjoyed them, so it couldn’t have been that bad. Had tons of fun drawing the avatar arrows on my body. I realized that the “story” had a bunch of holes because we took out skits that were originally planned in order to make the show a little more simpler, but I think it still worked out. I hope I wasn’t too harsh on anyone while we were filming. It was a really good learning experience.
When I first heard they were looking for people to sing the Philippine National Anthem, I joking said I would do it. We ended up just getting a group of guys together who wanted to sing it. I think we did pretty well saying that most of us didn’t know the words at all. Hopefully we didn’t sound too American. I thought it would be nerve racking for me because I usually don’t sing… unless I’m drunk, but it wasn’t all that bad.
MCing was so nerve racking for me. I felt like people had really high hopes with me and I wasn’t sure if I could really live up to their expectations. I remember after the show feel so bad because I wasn’t sure how I was doing. Here and there I would get “good job”s from people, but subconsciously thinking they’re just saying that to help me get going. When I was on stage, I couldn’t really see people’s expressions to the things I was saying so most of the time I would hope they’re laughing. After watching the show footage I have I did get some pretty good laughs. There were some low points, but there were also some high points to pick it up.
It kinda sucks now that Sayaw is over. All that hard work to put on one show and now its done, its over. So many great experiences and memories. So many relationships made that may have never otherwise come about. I really feel that the show is only a small portion of the entire “Sayaw experience” and the rest is from the many many hours of practice and preparation of the show. Its really during these times that the most memorable things happen. It recently just hit me that this Sayaw will be the last one I’m really a part of (because I should be graduating next fall) ,but I’m glad I was able to go all out for this year’s Sayaw. Next time, I’ll be out in the crowd. Can’t wait to see how it turns out.
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